


After Your Sun Rises

by Razzledazzy



Series: Be My Break of Day [1]
Category: Until Dawn (Video Game)
Genre: F/F, F/M, Gen, Grief/Mourning, M/M, Multi, Pre-Poly, Pre-Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-20
Updated: 2015-09-20
Packaged: 2018-04-22 11:42:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,005
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4834070
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Razzledazzy/pseuds/Razzledazzy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is a character study prequel for a much larger story. Each paragraph details a short bit from each character's point of view after being rescued.</p>
            </blockquote>





	After Your Sun Rises

There’s blood in your mouth and your hair. Noises wobble together. Words are tossed around. Concussion. Lacerations. The persistent buzzing around you, asking questions. The singular thought in your mind is not your kidnapping, nor near death experience. It’s falling to sleep comforted by the repetition of your name. Called out to mountains and trees like a prayer. He came for you. Tried to rescue you. It’s all going to be okay. There are things you can’t remember, like how you got to the hospital or how you’re petting the silky dark hair of the girl crying in your arms. It’s alright though. There’s sunlight painting the windowsill. 

The ache in your left hand is a stabbing pain. It hadn’t been a concern before, but now thoughts of the future are stuck in your mind. You should feel better now that you’re off the mountain, but your mind has not calmed since entering the helicopter. You search for any sign that the craft is failing. Constant plans for what to do if that happened run through your mind at thought shattering speeds. Is this way things are now? Constantly on edge, aware and ready to fight at the drop of a hat. Shards of glass glint from your palm seem to say, yes, you’re never safe. No one is ever really safe, but you can try to keep them whole. 

Guilt eats at you for leaving her. You still love her, but when faced with the choice of rescue or survival you left her to her own devices. Things turned out as well as they could. You should not forgive yourself for abandoning her just because of that. It has to be earned. You might find it in each other. Just not in where it was before. The others experienced something much different than your fate up on the mountain, and you worry that you’ll never understand the whole story. Leather creaks under your hand as you toss your ruined pride away. It’s time to start anew, but you’re no stranger to hard work. 

You’re stronger for this, as you are for every challenge you’ve overcome to in your life. Your armor as the bitch feels uncomfortably tight around your chest, like it no longer fits. Was it grief that had caused you to throw up every shield you had? Each one banded to your back until you were numb to the pressure. There’s a relief at seeing a golden halo bowed against a dark and familiar face. The empty home where jealousy once thrived in your chest no longer bleeds your body green, instead it fills with relief. The bands loosen, joy flows out of your eyes. You’re real. You’re okay. Things will be better. You hug your best friend and don’t let go. How could you have ever stayed mad at her for so long?

Part of you knows that you were built for this. Some people only find their heads when placed in high risk situations; and turns out, you’re one of them. You hid, you climbed, you conquered. The ghost of your girlfriend laid to rest. For you, the closure of it was well worth the fear and the pain. Things should be better now. They aren’t. You see his face every time you close your eyes. Almost, you almost stayed with them. Almost loved him enough. Things were almost okay. You poured out your own heart for everyone but it wasn’t enough, you can’t replace Beth. Their brokenness is not yours to fix. Accepting that is the first step to moving forward. In the dark you count each tile of the hospital ceiling over and over again. 

Fear had never been real before last night. Your rabbit heart was tried and tried until it grew larger and stronger than a lion's. Sensitive mind turned both inwards and outwards, examining and at the last second pulling back from danger. Nothing would ever be the same. That was probably a good thing. The iron scent of blood drenched clothes has become permanent in your mind. It anchors your new spine. You wounded but did not kill. It was your decision. Those scissors just as easily could have found his throat. No longer will you live your life passively, your defenses are enough. You are enough. You palm a scalpel off of a table and keep it close to your heart.

You chose death, twice for another and twice for yourself. Each time it had gone wrong. Your body is a machine, broken from misuse, empty of whatever purpose it was designed with in mind. What do you do when you lose half of yourself, something that has defined your life for over a decade. Who are you now? Words like brave and protective were always meant for other people, not for you. Are you a fighter? The world is not the same place it was last week. It is strange and unfamiliar and you no longer know your place in it. You layer your best friend’s hoodie under your jacket with an unfamiliar resolve to become stronger. You have questions and you need to find the answers, not matter the cost.

You’re lucky to be alive. You aren’t sure that you are. A part of you was sacrificed on the altar of Blackwood Mountain. There’s a rasp to your voice now, words tumble out of your mouth with unfamiliar stress. You see only red, white, and gold. Every movement of your jaw clicks as teeth fit together in wrong and unfamiliar ways. Did you make yourself this way? You’re not sure if this is all your fault or not. Maybe it doesn’t matter. Maybe you don’t have to be this way. It can be your choice. No one can tell you what to do, not even this curse. You look into the setting sun from the top of the mines and resolve to chase it west across the mountains. Nothing will force you back into the darkness. You will not say goodnight.

**Author's Note:**

> It goes: Jess, Mike, Matt, Emily, Sam, Ashley, Chris, Josh.
> 
> Hit me up at [tricksterlesbian](http://tricksterlesbian.tumblr.com/) for more updates about how the larger fic is progressing.


End file.
